they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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