He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
