you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
