I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
