The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
