I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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