planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
