You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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