My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
