There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Randomize
