I wanna passion pit in your ass
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Randomize
