Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Less talking, more tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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