Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
