You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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