Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
