i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
