Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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