I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
