Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Randomize
