consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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