I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I understand Curling. That high.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
