It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
