I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
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just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
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I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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