my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
