i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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