so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
