I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
