My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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