could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
