Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
