soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
