I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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