ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
