she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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