but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
