My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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