My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I enjoy the company of your penis
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize