get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Randomize
