Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
What happened to fro yo and sex?
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
