he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
