I'm laying in your front yard are you home
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
