She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
