There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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