just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
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