im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
