Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
