And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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