the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
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He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
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You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
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