Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
