I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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