Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
worst night to have a conscience
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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