We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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