I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
