made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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