Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
