just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
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