the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Randomize
