I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
