its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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