I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
