Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
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Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
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I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
be right there i have to get my cape
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
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