listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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