are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
