I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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