I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
