your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
It's blow job season.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
We need to get me chipped asap
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
You left your phone here
Wait...
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