so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
