You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
