if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Randomize
