I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
