I'm gonna have a badass scar
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
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My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
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This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video