Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(323): View more from California

just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo

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(789): View more from

If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.

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(732): View more from New Jersey

She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.

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(248): View more from Michigan

first off, his name is dougie. strike one.

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23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”
Read it at the TFLN blog
(604): View more from British Columbia

They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum

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(973): View more from New Jersey

I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.

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(707): View more from California

Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....

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(801): View more from Utah

You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?

(650): View more from California

I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.

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(307): View more from Wyoming

I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.

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