I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Here’s Why Hotel Photos On Travel Websites Are A Complete Hoax
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.