Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Randomize
