Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
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