When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
