I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
