I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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