I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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