FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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