i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
