she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
