Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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