Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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