worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
