accomplished twins. life is a go
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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