just tell him i said nine months
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Randomize
