Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
