just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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