You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Everclear isn't food dammit
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
