It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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